I wonder sometimes how many of God's plans I've interrupted, stopped in their tracks, completely dismissed. How many times I've said "no" or missed a clue or a huge sign that said turn here. I wonder how many times I've gone about minding my own business, instead of minding His business.
I've been thinking much lately about the what's next. I've mentioned it to you before, about how we're praying and asking God for some direction here.
Confession: I am very impatient whilst waiting on the fabulous news of which way the arrow points.
Here's my thinking:
If it's fabulous, go ahead and tell me now.
If it's going to rock my world upside down, go ahead and tell me now.
I need time to plan, ya know?
See? That's the problem.
These plans are not my plans.
At church on Sunday some of us Mommy chicks were talking about having babies. We were all in agreement that we are done. All of us. But then, I felt God tug at my heart about my plans. So, I quickly announced to every one that I certainly couldn't adopt any more children because I'm too tired. This one girl is a house full of children. She wears me slap out. Daily.
Note: I wouldn't trade her for anything, so don't come lining up at my door thinking you can have her. Besides, she'll wear you out too, and I've had two years to build up my stamina alongside her since I've had her since she was a wee babe. She'd have you whooped in a skinny minute, so don't even think about it.
I walked away from my friends Sunday night knowing that I was wrong. That I could very well be cancelling God's plans for my life, my family, His will.
How could I do that?
Because, seriously, this girl does wear me out sometimes. Because life with her isn't the easiest. Because we gave away the crib and the bedding and the teeny tiny clothes, so that makes us totally done, right?
Here's the thing: Quite a few years ago we were the foster parents to two beautiful pink skinned babies. Brother and sister, 20 months and 9 months in ages. It took them forever to settle in and the minute they did someone snatched them up and moved them out just like that. They were gone.
My heart hurt. I was sad. I was mad. I was done.
We packed up the crib, the pack-and-play, the girl stuff, the boy stuff, the car seats, the musical toys and we sent it all packing.
We were done.
A few years later in waltzed a Grandma with a scheme for us to adopt her blue-eyed girl with the curly locks. Goldilocks was sassy. We slowly creeped in with much hesitation and before we knew it there was girl stuff everywhere, and dainty bedroom set up and a crystal chandelier hanging out in our halls. She stole our hearts real quick, and in a hurry, but Grandma was playing a game with us. A game we couldn't win. We did some digging and found some truths and some lies. So, with broken hearts we walked away. We packed it all up, we shipped it all out again. And this time, we were really, really done.
Three years ago, God began to stir my heart for a little girl I didn't even know, right about the time that she was conceived. I began to pray for her safety, for her health, for her to come home. Four months later, God broke the news to Barry. Five months later, she was delivered to our doorstep. Our baby. Our firecracker girl.
So who am I to tell God I'm done? Who am I to dictate His plans?
This morning during my quiet time the devotion in my Jesus Calling devotion book read this:
"When I gave you My Spirit, I empowered you to live beyond your natural ability and strength. That's why it is so wrong to measure your energy level against the challenges ahead of you. The issue is not your strength but Mine, which is limitless. By walking close to Me, you can accomplish My purposes in My strength." -Jesus Calling, Sarah Young
You think God overheard my conversation? Yes! He knows my heart. He knows my every thought.
I still may want to pray some things like please send us a laid back kid if you're going to send us another one, or please give us a few years to adjust here before you throw another kiddo into our nest. But, really, want I want Him to hear from me is Thy will be done in my family and my home, as it is in Heaven.
So, we'll see what's next, and maybe we'll try really hard not to dictate our life plans to the God who wrote our stories.
Have a good week friends!
God is good, all the time!